Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in mrchunke's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
5:12 am	i'm awesome failed relationship number 2. i'm on a fucking roll. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
4:53 am	nostalgia so i cant help but to feel this sense of nostalgia. i've been reminiscing of the past and what it holds in my heart, from the people i've come across, to the special events, to the places i've been and the people i shared that with. it's impacted me in such a way that i feel i must let it go. but i dont want to. the reason i say this is because i feel like there are memories that i have that i should forget, memories that have scarred me, but also memories that have shaped my character. also all this nostalgia makes me wish i was a better person. i look back at my life and i can say that i lived in regret. so many mistakes that i've made that i wish i can go back and change, but also mistakes that have made me who i am today. my professor said, this is how you know you lived a happy life without regret: if you were told that you would have to live this same life over and over again for all eternity, what is your response? if youre response is oh crap, then you know you lived a regretful life. i'm afraid my response was that. example: i get so much flak from everyone about not going into music for college. when i made that choice back in jr year of high school when i quit piano for good, i thought it was the right choice for me, the best choice for me and my future. the more flak i get about it, the more i realize how much of a mistake that was. i'm still stuck at Mt. SLACK. will i ever transfer? good question. we'll see in march. but i highly doubt it. i might as well quit school and work full time at a music store and give private lessons. my lack of financial stability also fuels the fire of my i'm-not-getting-married proposal to myself. self confidence? practically non-existent. so where am i going in life? no where. i'm just living day to day. it also seems i have no real goals for myself. of course i have them, dont get me wrong, but they seem so farfetched as each day goes by. so what is important to me in this life? what is it that i wake up everyday for? it's a good question. i know the answer. but it's not why. it should be, but it's not. so what needs to change? PB once told me, it all starts with the heart. my mind knows what needs to happen, but my heart wont let it. look in the deepest darkest room in your heart and that is where you treasure lies. i have family and friends that care. my grandma calls me every nite at 11:59pm wondering where i am and why i'm not home. gets annoying at times, but i know it's because she loves me. cant argue with that. friends are getting married. scary how we are growing up. i remember as a kid how much i wanted to be older. now that i've reached that age i want to stop aging. but i guess i cant live young forever. i have to grow old someday. as i think back i was pretty stupid and did some stupid stuff that i still feel repercussions to this day. i let emotions dictate too much of my actions, when my mind knows better. damn that deceitful heart. it can hinder important decisions, while enhance happiness. i miss her. i didnt want to wait so long, but i fear that i'm too late. you were the one. i'm sorrie to have let you get away. to this day i still try to get over you, day by day. it doesnt help that i drive by your house more often than not. you also fuel my i'm-not-getting-married proposal, because my only one had gotten away. i seem to compare others to you, because you were perfect. as they say, it was too good to be true. because i compare others to you, i can never be completely satisfied. too bad you wont even read this. i hate my doubtful mind. after numerous confirmations i continue to doubt. what an idiot. what is there to question after all those confirmations and encounters? i've accepted death. i'm ready to die now, but i wont be the one to do it. i might speed up the process through other things, i.e. a motorcycle, but will never be self inflicted. means i wont kill myself. but i will surely be thankful to the one that does. but i know i havent fulfilled my purpose in life, and i think i have a pretty good idea of wat it is that i need to do, but who knows. for those that have committed to the end of this post, thank you for your time and sorrie-so-incoherent. i was juss rambling on. couldnt go to sleep. have to wake up in 2 hours. oh well. life goes on. Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 2nd, 2005
4:14 am	juytdhtrertfvlkiygfvvcd how little are the little things anyways? it's funny how the smallest things can make the biggest impact on your life, shape you and make you the person you are. i know i can say that there were many things that i recognize in my life that had changed me, made such an impact on me, little things, such as saying hello when passing by in the hallways, or greeting me with the biggest smile i've ever seen, or coming to love from across the globe. there are times when i'm stuck with making a decision in life. everyday you make choices. sometimes i wonder what would have come to pass if i made a different choice--even the little things, things like should i go to sleep early or stay up and play games, knowing that i have to wake up really early, or hanging out with one friend or another, or what if i didnt go to drumline with angel that one wednesday in the middle of july of 1997. where would i be sitting? what other feelings would i be feeling in this moment in time? some random questions in my mind: how far do i really want to take this? should i really leave psi or stick with those that stuck with me before and honor that relationship? should i go to sleep or watch another movie? verizon or sprint? cuz FUCK cingular how far can i take this mediocrity? when will i get mine? i dont really know how to say what i feel. so i guess i'm done (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
2:06 pm	Emotions that dictate our lives, the way we think, our views of the world around us.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, July 17th, 2005
10:56 pm	You dont care about me as much as i care about you. i understand. the relationship is completely different. (Comment on this)
Sunday, July 10th, 2005
3:31 pm	sometimes i wonder what the purpose of giving advice is. i feel like i know so much, yet i dont know anything. my philosophy prof once told me that if the chalkboard is all the knowledge in the world, we only know a small dot made by a pencil on it. but the knowledge that i do know, i want to pass on. as a man with much authority (i tell a person to go do something and he/she does it), no one listens to the important things that matter in life, yet they obey all other elements. the reason i say all this is because i was fortunate enough to meet one of my "servants" (one that i have authority over, for lack of a better word) and it seems as though everything that i've tried to say to her (yes it's a girl) goes in one ear and out the other. so after trying for 2 seconds i gave up and just began to listen. a lot of the things she was saying i remember doing myself, or even thinking myself. so i just sat there and listened. i couldnt say anything anymore, because i myself am very much in love with the world. i've become everything i've despised growing up. so now as i'm sitting in front of my computer with a huge migraine and blood constantly running down my nose, taking a break from good ol ragnarok because the server is down, i cant help but to feel a sense of nostalgia, but also, a look to the future. it seems i want to know what will come to pass, but don't want to stick around to find out. oxymoron. sure. but i'm not gonna go out and kill myself. i certainly might try to speed up the process by, lets say, getting a motorcycle. life, as i know it, is weird. wat is one's purpose in life? of course i know perfectly the answer to that question, but i'm not willing to follow through with it. "It all starts with the heart," says PB. Your heart is where your treasure lies. where am i going with this? no clue. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2005
2:20 am	Ragnarok I'm addicted. Again. Ragnarok has taken over my free time. i feel like i went right back into 1st year in college when all i did was go to class and play RO all day long. well actualy it was all night. i would have class at 4 monday through wed then no class thurs to sun. after class i would go home, play RO all nite until the sun came up around 7-8 in the morning, then went to sleep. woke up around 3:30 in time to go to class. same for tue and wed. thur fri sat sun oh my oh my oh my.... So i found out that i was a gambling addict at the wrong place--in Vegas. total lost..... a lot of money. so next time i'll juss play it right: Go straight to the 25 dollar tables at MGM. dont waste any time. win my money and BOUNCE. I was called a pessimist today, so i thought for the occasion i would feel pessimistic... Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
1:07 am	I'm in.... Welcome back, lj. it's been a long time. being somewhat forced back into lj after being so faithful to xanga. yes i am a xanger and i still am, but i think i'll stop posting in my xanga and continue with lj. A happy medium for gossip, trash talking, backstabbing, of course laughs and good times, jokes, jokes, jokes, oh my.... here we go. (2 Comments |Comment on this)